![]() INFORMATIVE: Give straight information in neutral language, rather than emotions, opinions, defences or arguments. They may be able to help you to cut down the response or identify potentially inflammatory remarks. You can also give your draft BIFF response to someone else to review before you send. ![]() It is helpful to step back and not respond right away. ![]() Don’t give too many words for your ex to react to. The BIFF response (formulated by Billy Eddy/High Conflict Institute) is a technique that usually puts a stop to hostilities and provides a model for respectful communication moving forward.īRIEF: Keep it short, typically a paragraph, even when the comment you are responding to goes for paragraphs or pages. These are all good reasons to avoid high conflict communication, but we understand you may not be the one initiating it! So, what can you do when your ex sends you a hostile communication? For further information the Family Courts have a publication on this issue.įamily lawyers often use examples of communications between parties as evidence of family violence, attitudes towards parenting, attitudes towards the other parent and evidence of which parent is better able to make long term decisions or facilitate and support a relationship between the child and the other parent. In families where there is a high level of conflict and animosity between parents, research shows that children are at a greater risk of developing emotional, social and behavioural problems, as well as difficulties with concentration and educational achievement. It certainly does not discourage further hostile behaviour, nor does it engender goodwill for the future. Reacting to these comments in the same tone creates a pattern of aggressive behaviour that increases conflict rather than reduces it. Hostile comments can show up in text messages, emails, Facebook and face-to-face comments. Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 0.5 x 8.By Deborah Wilson, Senior Associate and Accredited Family Law SpecialistĬommunicating with your ex after separation can be fraught with difficulty and emotion, particularly where it is necessary to keep in regular contact regarding parenting arrangements. Publisher: Unhooked Books Second edition (September 16 2014) He developed the high conflict personality theory and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high-conflict personalities and personality disorders. is a lawyer therapist mediator author and president of High Conflict Institute. Anyone can use this method to help someone else with a BIFF response by asking 10 simple questions to make it even more effective.Another helpful tool to shift high-conflict people from blaming to problem-solving is So What's Your Proposal: Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving also by Bill Eddy.Bill Eddy LCSW Esq. It takes practice! This little book gives over 20 examples of BIFF responses for all areas of lifeplus additional tips to help you deal with high-conflict people anywhere.This Second Edition includes a new chapter on Coaching for BIFF Responses. A BIFF response is easy to remember but hard to do. It can help you get along with difficult family members friends neighbors and others anywhere in your life.BIFF was designed to protect you and your reputation by responding quickly and civilly to people who treat you rudely while being reasonable in return.BIFF stands for Brief Informative Friendly and Firm. It can be used at work earning you respect and success. A BIFF Response can be applied in any communication anywhere online social media in a letter or even in person. We also live in a Culture of Blame and Disrespect creating a need to manage our responses to high-conflict people. We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication.
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